Now Where Was I?

All three of my readers have asked me what is up with my blog. Life has interfered. I have not written anything since November. I'm bummed that I missed telling stories from the holidays and stories about the kids and what they were up to at school. Many things have kept me from writing, but I have decided that since writing makes me happy, I must continue to do it. My writing is not all that great, but I enjoy it and that is what matters.

I'm not one to make New Year's resolutions. Sure, I think about things that I would like to change about myself or my life. I always ponder the possibilities the a new year has to offer, think about the things that happened over the previous year, consider what worked, what did not work and make decisions about what I want to happen in the coming year. I don't need a list for my fridge, and I don't necessary need to share my thoughts with anyone. There is so much talk about resolutions and how to hold yourself accountable, but all I need is me. I'm realistic, and I'm my own worst critic, so it works.

After having said that, now I am going to share my goal for me for this year and years to come. It can be stated in a single, three syllable word....happiness. I want to be happy. I mean, who does not want to be happy? Seems simple enough, but as a mom and a partner I spend a lot of time making other people happy. That is the job of a mom, right? It is the reason I work from home doing a job that I really do not enjoy at all. The one thing it does provide is flexibility. This flexibility allows me to run occasional errands during "work hours." It also allows me to volunteer at my kids' school. This not only makes my kids happy, but it also helps their teachers and, at times, the PTA. I truly do enjoy most of my volunteer opportunities, and I love it when I leave Reed's classroom feeling like a rock star. My situation also allows me to babysit Reagan so that she does not spend the first months of her little life in a daycare and, instead, is with people (mostly me) who love her and have a special interest in her welfare. These are just a few examples of how what I do impacts other peoples lives and level of happiness. These things do not make me unhappy - I would not do them if it did. It's just that there is nothing specifically for me in there, which is why it is time for me to make a few changes, hoping to increase my level of happy.

This year, I am focusing more on me. I am happy but I could be happier, more fulfilled. In order to do this, I must be a little more selfish, and I'm going to be. I owe it to myself. I have so many options. I could go back to work outside of the house and possibly triple my income, but would I be happy giving up the flexibility that I currently have? I could take on more of the same work I am currently doing from home. I would make more money, but that does not take away the fact that I do not enjoy my current job. I wonder, though, how many people out in the working world truly just LOVE their jobs? There are no guarantees and so many factors to consider. I have some ideas, and I am excited about the possibilities.

While I'm sorting this out and possibly making a choice that will turn our world upside down, I do want my family to be happy and it is not like I'm checking out and letting them fend for themselves. However, I am reclaiming me, a part of myself who got lost along the way while spending the last seven years raising babies (and now a baby again) and molding them into the awesome school-aged kids that they are today. I also worked my way through many years of college while being a parent to Ashley. My time is now. I can feel it.

My job as a mom is no where close to being done, but these kids are growing up and slowly becoming more independent, and I believe that it is time for me to do more for myself in return. My hope is that a truly happy mom/family will raise truly happy kids. So far, it seems to be working. If, for some reason, my plan for ME does not work out as perfectly as I imagine, a few more pedicures throughout the year, more time enjoying hobbies and a couple more moms' night outs should help me feel happier.