October 23rd

Just like a song or a smell, dates roll around each year that trigger memories, good and bad. Sometimes other events come up on dates during the calendar year that are already significant in your mind for one reason or another. Like my aunt having a heart attack very unexpectedly on the very day that her own father died from heart disease, or in my case, my high school 20 year reunion occurring on the very day that my first born turns 20 years old, October 23rd.

Most of the time, parents have such feelings of joy and excitement on their children's birthdays, remembering the happiness surrounding their child's birth. In my case, my first born's birthday was traumatic in a way. The truth is that I never wanted his birthday to come simply because I did not want to say goodbye to him, as unrealistic as that was. The little guy climbing my ribs and punching me all night long was mine as long as he was still in me - I did not have to share him with anyone and never wanted to be separated from him. October 23rd was the day that began a very painful journey for me, but became an exciting beginning for him. It is a day that changed my life forever. The birth of a baby under happy or sad circumstances is always life changing. Looking back, I kind of wish that his adoptive parents could have been there on his first day of life, for me and for him.

Over the years, October 23rd never went by unnoticed by me but was not acknowledged by the ones I wanted support from. It was a tough time for all of us. Eventually, 10/23 stopped affecting me in such a wicked way, not so dark and lonely. I knew somewhere two loving parents were celebrating his birthday. I knew he was excited that it was his birthday, all kids are, and that did make me happy. I actually started looking forward to this time of the year simply because it meant that I would receive a picture of him and a letter that I would read at least five times.

So here I am 20 years later, amazed at the fact that I received an invitation BHS's 20 year reunion with a date of October 23rd. Never mind the fact that I did not actually graduate from BHS and had changed schools my junior year and happened to graduate a year earlier, which is interesting timing considering I spent what could/should have been my senior year pregnant. BHS is where all of my friends went, many of them were friends that I went to elementary school up through most of high school with. BHS's reunion is the one reunion I would consider going to. I am just amazed at the irony...20 year high school reunion festivities on the very date that my first son was born 20 years ago.

Today, I will send him a happy birthday text (since we just spoke on the phone yesterday) and patiently wait to hear back from my friends who are in Dallas reuniting and hopefully having a wonderful time at the reunion. Today, I feel blessed and lucky to have old friends I am still in contact with and to have a relationship with my first born.

Today is a beautiful day!